Here I go on the job hint again. Now I’m looking for a job to pay more then $10 hour In order to survive. I think I will need some kind of office job to be able to keep my child care. But must office jobs require experience. Not everyone has experience. And it makes it harder to get a job.
It’s so funny when people say they wish life had a instruction manual. When those who do go to church should know that there is. It’s called the bible. It tells you how, what, where, and when you are suppose to do things. But I don’t think anyone is listening like they really should.
Man, it feels like the end of the world. I can seem to catch a break anywhere. And it almost like no one I mean no one cares what happens. I probably could loll myself today and no one would even care long as they have the papers they need. Knowing that they can help they won’t and keep saying I can’t when we both know that you can you just don’t want too. Which is fucked up when I cAn always help no matter what. Even if I was to lose my place it’s ok for them to come and stay. I so tired of the people I know and some of my family. Because I can help but no one can help me. I should of just stayed in Oklahoma.
Right now my state of mind is like why keep trying to move forward. When everything in the world keeps pushing me back. As soon as I take a step forward I get knocked back ten steps. The only thing keeping me going right now is my two wonderful kids that need their mother to be strong and make it through it all. Just so they can see the world in a different light then what it is now. To have a great life that they can look back on a say my mother did a damn good job at making the world look better.
But it is hard to start over from the bottom and only get a quarter of the way up and have to start over again.
Why don’t poeple just answer a question when it’s first given to them. If you need to think about then say so. Don’t just leave poeple hanging for a answer. And if your going to say no then just say no and that’s that nothing more to say. Don’t just leave someone with a open queston. Especially when they know you heard them ask it.
And don’t say that I get back to you on that. Then you never speak to that person again. Just give the first answer you thought of and leave it as that.
Man, I wish that I could be more social even being on some of these networks is not helping. Why can’t I just speak my mind and not be cautious of what I say could hurt someone’s feelings.
Being who you really are is the hardest thing to do these days. It makes me want to break down and cry. Trying to live the live that people think you should be it is like a big fat lie to yourself. I have very few people that o can truly be myself around. Why can’t people let you be who you really are inside and out.